remember when i asked you your criterias of girls? beauty, heart and intellect and you said that it is all interlinked? i believe it is a matter of how a person superceeds one another. For example a person who has a fragile heart would be superceeded by intellect instead of following what the heart tells. These prevails as circumstances conditions the way one person chooses their path. i believe the real person or when the person is in their truest form is when their a kid. when nothing in the world matters, when their truely free without any care in the world, their innate nature before the pollution of expectancy, be it parents, be it society, be it the vaccum that we seek to fill in. as we grow older, the game of survival begins. thats when we gradually lose ourselves to the conformity, and the light of living, importance of life, what we cherish loses its commodity and eventually it gradually subsides to pragmatics... if it is, what is the point of living. in this game of survival,humanistic values is redundant to us as mere gene carriers, a matter of natural selection. if its a matter of that, the weak should just cease to carry forth their endless routine. why bother.
in this paradigm, the game of the survival of the fittest is superceded by the survival of the smartest. the 'unbright' takes a certain amount of spiritual strength or will to survive. its a constant battle, a path that I have to go through. as a result to this, I have to take certain measures to protect myself, build walls in other to survive.
in your last message, i felt that you were speaking of the leftover baggage with your ex. the things unsaid, the unresolved issues. it hurts that you have to project this accusations to me. you obviously have much to resolve before jumping into a person and expect that person to resolve these issues for you. i know its one of the ways to avert your problems, but this is an extreme form of selfishness. no one can resolve these issues but yourself, placing these problems to another is a matter of averting responsibility. in that sense, you are an asshole. the best thing from me to salvage my dignity is to completely erase you. yet i have chosen not to... its a comedy.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Monday, January 10, 2011
The splay of self-display, the playful tit for tat of sizing up, the survival game of eating each other up. It’s disgusting. It’s simply flawed. Where does sincerity fit in? Better to lose loving. Better to show no more no less than what life really is. But God can be dull
is this you? really? is this you? is this going to be your projection that leads to a your definitive being? sad really... where lies within?
is this you? really? is this you? is this going to be your projection that leads to a your definitive being? sad really... where lies within?
chemistry
Methanphatamine, Adrenaline. Endorphine. Dopamine.
Chemicals. Period. It seems so hard now to live a life without the help of simulants to keep going. Our truest composition of our emotions, passions, are just chemistry.
Knowing what we know now, it shows how unhappy and desperate we really are in our constant seeking or consumption of synthetic drugs or external drives to counter the excesses of chemical inbounds that produces anxiety, disappointment, fear, resentment, depression, depression…whilst this can be fought internally.
When we do know this however, and manage to present an optimum state of mind, would it be out of shear control? A simple mind game? A simple equation of subtract, and multiply of chemistry-math in play? Where’s does sincerity fit in? Where does self, fit in?
It seems so much easier to lose oneself than growing a self. A life without intent or a meaning that drives, resolves to this, the chase of the dragon.
To want, to desire is all that takes to build a path; to want, to desire what the heart wants seems to take a lifetime. God I feel so lost. My battle with confusion, fear, and hatred seems harder each day. Each day I feel the flame of me flickering no more than the ember of a burning coal. It’s only too soon to give way before my next discovery.
Chemicals. Period. It seems so hard now to live a life without the help of simulants to keep going. Our truest composition of our emotions, passions, are just chemistry.
Knowing what we know now, it shows how unhappy and desperate we really are in our constant seeking or consumption of synthetic drugs or external drives to counter the excesses of chemical inbounds that produces anxiety, disappointment, fear, resentment, depression, depression…whilst this can be fought internally.
When we do know this however, and manage to present an optimum state of mind, would it be out of shear control? A simple mind game? A simple equation of subtract, and multiply of chemistry-math in play? Where’s does sincerity fit in? Where does self, fit in?
It seems so much easier to lose oneself than growing a self. A life without intent or a meaning that drives, resolves to this, the chase of the dragon.
To want, to desire is all that takes to build a path; to want, to desire what the heart wants seems to take a lifetime. God I feel so lost. My battle with confusion, fear, and hatred seems harder each day. Each day I feel the flame of me flickering no more than the ember of a burning coal. It’s only too soon to give way before my next discovery.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
battle's of my demons
These demons, they haunt me. I turn away in aversion, but their still there, it's taunting and terrifying, always ready to pounce when I'm off guard. It's just an emanation of the mind, but it grips you to think of it as reality, it's a 'real' battle...fear, fear, fear... it's not the way i want to live, I can't run anymore, I have to face it and burn it once and for all...
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Title:Analyse
Artist:Thom yorke
Album:The Eraser
A self-fulfilling prophecy of endless possibility
In rolling reams across a screen
In algebra, in algebra
The fences that you cannot climb
The sentences that do not rhyme
In all that you can ever change
I'm the one you're looking for
It gets you down
It gets you down
There's no spark
You've no light in the dark
It gets you down
It gets you down
You traveled far
What have you found
That there's no time
There's no time
To analyse
To think things through
To make sense
Like candles in the city, they never looked so pretty
By power cuts and blackouts
Sleeping like babies
It gets you down
It gets you down
You're just playing a part
You're just playing a part
You're playing a part
Playing a part
And there's no time
There's no time
To analyse
Analyse
Analyse
Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Certain things comes in mysterious times. For instance, a thought came to me, late in my time, but just in time for a life to begin a new one. I was showering when a pertinent voice said: 'stop living for people and start living for yourself.' It was then, that all that was bound to its meaning started unraveling itself. why do i exist? i existed because my mere existence was to serve as a company for my parents when my brother and sister was gone. It never quite shook me, because i wasn't clear with myself. i was bogged down by the very first question posted here. I didn't have to do quite anything to be loved, a love that was so banal it wasn't felt sincerely. My mere presence was enough, and that was what i became; an aimless route steered by my unknowing which has placed me in a state of constant seeking of the reason behind that role, till, that too became me.
My dependancy on my parents wasn't noticed, and remained unnoticed, sheltered by my ego. From time to time, they travel, while i feel depressed at home. Their return trip would be my return to the habitual routine. It was a struggle filled with emptyness at the cause of my ignorance and theirs. i don't think they quite know how much this has affected me, or how I chose to be affected by it. While people are driving away with their self will to live, I was behind queue wondering where or how do they do so. damage, damaged. when a person is damaged, they project damage.
Now you know, so stop looking back, and live for yourself. Life seems mysterious because you want it to be. Its seems to me the real reason why you want it to be is an excuse for an escape from reality.
My dependancy on my parents wasn't noticed, and remained unnoticed, sheltered by my ego. From time to time, they travel, while i feel depressed at home. Their return trip would be my return to the habitual routine. It was a struggle filled with emptyness at the cause of my ignorance and theirs. i don't think they quite know how much this has affected me, or how I chose to be affected by it. While people are driving away with their self will to live, I was behind queue wondering where or how do they do so. damage, damaged. when a person is damaged, they project damage.
Now you know, so stop looking back, and live for yourself. Life seems mysterious because you want it to be. Its seems to me the real reason why you want it to be is an excuse for an escape from reality.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I've came to my blog in passing, its been a long while. It feels pretty good to review a self that was before. Writings are like testimonies of your identity, an evidence to hold on to when you've lost your way. Which is exactly how I am at this moment-- A limbo. When your in a limbo, it feels timeless. Each passing day is ceases to stir in you. Thoughts comes in fragments, nothing makes sense. When it comes down to it? It's a lost of will, the lost of will comes with the lost of liveliness. To make matters worse, my plague of short term memory eradicates all surety of self. Which leads me to a constant seeking outwards to reclaim that lost, though it hasn't done me any good, since I've been excommunicated by my uni-mates. Not that it matters much...They haven't been extraordinary or significant, but, it still hurts. Yes i do care, I don't pay much attention, but my feelings do. It feels like blows to me, huge blows plunging me into the sea of disappointment. I'm so tired of this, so very tired feeling like this. Is it a sign? A good one for now, at least I'm feeling something...
I need a wake up call. I've watched the movie, called 'The Air I Breathe' I remember a sentence relating very much to my situation. Its goes something like 'what if you've already transformed into a butterfly but forgetting your one? '
I need a wake up call. I've watched the movie, called 'The Air I Breathe' I remember a sentence relating very much to my situation. Its goes something like 'what if you've already transformed into a butterfly but forgetting your one? '
Faith is powerful, but to have faith is to have will at the same time. Please allow it, be open like the sky.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
i looked on to the aftermath of my past, the triggers of events leading to the precariously crafted self, now typing the words once crossed my mind have deepscaped into the unrelenting ticking of time in seconds,which now is the past, a memory. what was, and what is... what was and what is is the sum of all the hopes diminish and resurfaced in the black pool of streaming time, locked in the present. What were we looking for all these times, in the bleek or bright forethoughts to come? Something pure that trails our dreams, our hopes in disguise of things, feelings, a moment of conviction. And when that comes, we struggle with ends to keep it alive, even more so to keep the intensity on the rise to our insatiable hunger. sometimes this drives you to be too caught up in it.
being to caught up brings a inconceivable boundarys to your present choices. a sort of frame you use to frame old photographs in preserving that moment, memory while watching your present folding away. It holds you back, for everytime you look away, you'd miss a detail, or you'd watched it collapse into an idea, where you play god in this event, a director, snipping and slipping pieces that wasn't there before. you become a victim of the idea of things.
one day you've woken up, aware of how things were changed, unaware that you've missed all the changes in you. sometimes changes like these are painstaking, and the cast of your past lurks around the back of your mind, waiting like a trap for your slipup. when it does, it washes over you,what was the wake before slips into a dream. The banality of it seems to strike many people. for some, it was too late to wake, when the edge between wake n sleep starts getting fuzzy, till you fall into the edgelessness of it. your trapped. that thought terrorizes me.
it may seem easy when your told to just look ahead the horizon of time without getting trapped in a vertical loop hole, but the truth is, we have dozens, if not millions of loop holes, like habits, thoughts, memories, idiosyncrasy, fears, your innate character in things. these loops are not noticable, for the sizes of it until a disruption happens.
we leave trails while walking in the presence of it all. trails so we can backtrack to see what's gone wrong. i've come to terms with my hunger, review my trails, broken my frame. i'm looking ahead with an occasional glance to what was, striding ahead unknowingly but sure.
being to caught up brings a inconceivable boundarys to your present choices. a sort of frame you use to frame old photographs in preserving that moment, memory while watching your present folding away. It holds you back, for everytime you look away, you'd miss a detail, or you'd watched it collapse into an idea, where you play god in this event, a director, snipping and slipping pieces that wasn't there before. you become a victim of the idea of things.
one day you've woken up, aware of how things were changed, unaware that you've missed all the changes in you. sometimes changes like these are painstaking, and the cast of your past lurks around the back of your mind, waiting like a trap for your slipup. when it does, it washes over you,what was the wake before slips into a dream. The banality of it seems to strike many people. for some, it was too late to wake, when the edge between wake n sleep starts getting fuzzy, till you fall into the edgelessness of it. your trapped. that thought terrorizes me.
it may seem easy when your told to just look ahead the horizon of time without getting trapped in a vertical loop hole, but the truth is, we have dozens, if not millions of loop holes, like habits, thoughts, memories, idiosyncrasy, fears, your innate character in things. these loops are not noticable, for the sizes of it until a disruption happens.
we leave trails while walking in the presence of it all. trails so we can backtrack to see what's gone wrong. i've come to terms with my hunger, review my trails, broken my frame. i'm looking ahead with an occasional glance to what was, striding ahead unknowingly but sure.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
spot, stripes
Today i just had a bbq with my friends.. we had fun and all, but when they left i didnt had any warmth in me (the feeling that you had a nice time with ppl u care).. the warmth that people would not want them to go away.. instead i felt loneliness.. of course people would say you feel lonely because u long for their presence after u had a fun time.. but this loneliness was different.. when we were together, i felt like we were in different levels/zones/aura whatever you could call them... its as if they're panthers with stripes, and the other group would be with spots.... but i am neither spots nor stripes... i just felt like i couldnt find anyone in the same skin as me... i felt alone...uninvolve... i may seem fine but theres just this void between me and the rest of them... just waiting or looking for spotless ppl or stripeless ppl to fill me up.. i have found people who are the closest to that catergory... but its just that i m not close enough.. and i seem to be afraid or cautious about venturing outside.. meeting new ppl, and find them... i just wish i can find them one day... the people that i can have a connection with... its just that the way we think is so different, from my friends, to even the person closest to me rite now... i just feel like even this person close to me don't truly know who i am...i need to talk to someone about this but i just don't know who to turn to... so i guess i just let it all out here... the people who is the closest to my spotless and stripeless skin are always asking questions on why do i choose this person closest to me...to be my partner... being a stripe, together with a stripeless, we don go too well sometimes... its hard when u don have the same auras..
i used to hav a person very close to me too.. i always call him and let out my feelings... bcoz we think alike and have the connection.. but he dissappoints me sometimes, he's drifting further and further away into his own realm.... a realm which i call stripes or spots. so does my closeness to him.. thats why i feel so lost too.. the only person i m really close to has now has a distance in our friendship... thats why i m dissappointed... but thats life i guess.. i do realize what people mean when they talk bout loneliness being the worst of its kind when u feel lonely when ur in a crowd...
i used to hav a person very close to me too.. i always call him and let out my feelings... bcoz we think alike and have the connection.. but he dissappoints me sometimes, he's drifting further and further away into his own realm.... a realm which i call stripes or spots. so does my closeness to him.. thats why i feel so lost too.. the only person i m really close to has now has a distance in our friendship... thats why i m dissappointed... but thats life i guess.. i do realize what people mean when they talk bout loneliness being the worst of its kind when u feel lonely when ur in a crowd...
Monday, October 8, 2007
Free Hugs Campaign. (music by Sick Puppies.net album out)
so nice to have a free hug! especially on lonely days...
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
half cat half bambi
i had another weird dream! i wonder if it had to do with me adopting a neo pet online yesterday.. because it was so bizzare!!and animated. lol
but the whole dream was real.. not cartoons or whatsoever. i can't remember the first part of the dream but i remeber the later part when there was a crowd gathering in the town or city center.. someting bad happened i guess. then there was a creature.. i can't remember how she looked like. and everyone was surrounding her, asking for her help. the mayor or someone important in that town presented her with someting in a box. they opened it and guess what was inside!'THE LAST TAIL' that was what it was called. the people of the town had great respect of it. it was a bambi's tail, furry and brown with b/w lines. apparently in my dream it was a great honor to be given as a gift. and it hold special powers when the town is in trouble. the creature took it and wore it on its tail. and transformed in to something like a half cat (upper part)half bambi (lower part).with angle wings... LOL!! haha then it flew to the buildings that has many openings. for some reason all the buildings in my dreams has openings to the corridors... and soo it flew into those buildings and for some reason i became that creature.... i was looking from her eyes.. thinking with her mind... i became her.. i wondered why i was flying around... as if i was looking, searching for someting... then i was distracted by a clothes store!!! lol! it just gets weirder.. i flew into the store and look at the beautiful clothes.. everyone was happy to have me in their building.. they think i was some dewa or something.. that i brought luck to them....and i realized i have abilities.. i could be invisible..and so i did... when i went tot the store.. there were alot of golden coins on the floor... but i didnt want it i just wanted people to be aware of my presence and pay respect!LOL! so i lifted the coins up with my telepathic abilities... and people started sensings my presence and they smiled... then after thta i just trailed off my dream to somewhere else i can't remember!
but the whole dream was real.. not cartoons or whatsoever. i can't remember the first part of the dream but i remeber the later part when there was a crowd gathering in the town or city center.. someting bad happened i guess. then there was a creature.. i can't remember how she looked like. and everyone was surrounding her, asking for her help. the mayor or someone important in that town presented her with someting in a box. they opened it and guess what was inside!'THE LAST TAIL' that was what it was called. the people of the town had great respect of it. it was a bambi's tail, furry and brown with b/w lines. apparently in my dream it was a great honor to be given as a gift. and it hold special powers when the town is in trouble. the creature took it and wore it on its tail. and transformed in to something like a half cat (upper part)half bambi (lower part).with angle wings... LOL!! haha then it flew to the buildings that has many openings. for some reason all the buildings in my dreams has openings to the corridors... and soo it flew into those buildings and for some reason i became that creature.... i was looking from her eyes.. thinking with her mind... i became her.. i wondered why i was flying around... as if i was looking, searching for someting... then i was distracted by a clothes store!!! lol! it just gets weirder.. i flew into the store and look at the beautiful clothes.. everyone was happy to have me in their building.. they think i was some dewa or something.. that i brought luck to them....and i realized i have abilities.. i could be invisible..and so i did... when i went tot the store.. there were alot of golden coins on the floor... but i didnt want it i just wanted people to be aware of my presence and pay respect!LOL! so i lifted the coins up with my telepathic abilities... and people started sensings my presence and they smiled... then after thta i just trailed off my dream to somewhere else i can't remember!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
UNKLE - Burn My Shadow
today i saw a music video by unkle ft. ian ast-someone song call burn my shadow... i was impressed by it.. it was this guy who woke up in the morning finding a bom attached to his chest or his hearst... wires into his body.. and he only has 2 mins left til he explodes... he leave traces of his memories and exploded.. last thoughts? love of course...heres the video...
then i flipped to star news asia... and they showed this quick flash of a show in berlin... i think its a art performance.. it was really cool...the 1st flash was this guy just running running blasting thru walls and going against strong winds like it was chaos... next flash was a big cloth like a curtain going tru the crowd of audience... they held their hands in the air feeling it... (i thought this was really cool because they theatre was interacting with the crowd.... the last flash was a person (i think female) in a glassboxjust enough for her lying body and it was full of water and it was spinning slowly in the air.. and theres another personn beneatht the glass box as well spinning in the opposite direction expanded in the air too as if he was trying to reach into the glassbox feeling her... the final flash was another person solo in the glassbox spinning very fast and the whole theater was dark except for a spotlight shinning tru the glassbox... moments like these even watching it in the tv that last seconds just fascinates me...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The Odyssey
another one of my fascinating dreams..till today i still wonder what does mean? where did it derive from? my unconsciousness or me watching too many movies?
again its a view of a dreamer. its in a deep sea, don’t know what sea, but from here i can’t see the surface.
There was a giant submarine tank stationed at its place, i can’t exactly tell whether or not its on the ground level of the ocean. this submarine however is in a unique form of a fish. the body is a huge globe, the structure copper gold steel wraps around the surface of the globe (like the way you see those little globes how they have longitudes and latitudes) which is made of glass where inside, there was a ball held. people dress in 18th century gowns and tux, with glamour and richness only the wealthy could afford. they were all dancing and laughing having a great time. above a giant chandelier shines and lights the ballroom. the tail is a form of a fish tail fixated to the body unable to move or swirve left/ right like a fish, the head is divided into two compartments. one would form the fish’s brain/ upper part of the head, which is also a glass tube, oval in shape placed horizontally. It has no entrance nor exit openings. and in it a sea creature sleeps. its forehead huge and edgy. its face like a human a man of labor and sole look. thick lips and he forehead holds lines that gives a permanent frown, the lower part of its body is of a merman. it sounds like a merman but its not. my memory can’t describe the image as clear as i dreamed. at the lower compartment is steel and copper gold just like the body, in the shape that embodies the mouth, eyes of the fish. there the captain crew runs the submarine. they were busy chucking coals in the burner, to produce heat which heats the above tube where the creature lies. as the glass tubes heats up, the sea monster that sleep with his belly facing down absorbs the heat and begin expanding, bloating, like an air pouch, and while this happens, the creature floats as his belly turns and floats slowly and consistently rising pulling along his sleeping body. once the belly hits the surface of the ceiling of the glass, the creature awakes. instantly his eyes open, and a burst of energy surges through his body as he pushes forward to swim. as he swims and pushes the surface of the glass tube forward with all his might, the whole tank moves forward with such force and speed. and as the tank moves the captain steers the direction of their unknown odyssey..... the tanks moves all the way until every ounce of energy left in the creature has been wiped out. thats is of its mere existents, and again he will sleep a deep sleep until, he is heated again.
again its a view of a dreamer. its in a deep sea, don’t know what sea, but from here i can’t see the surface.
There was a giant submarine tank stationed at its place, i can’t exactly tell whether or not its on the ground level of the ocean. this submarine however is in a unique form of a fish. the body is a huge globe, the structure copper gold steel wraps around the surface of the globe (like the way you see those little globes how they have longitudes and latitudes) which is made of glass where inside, there was a ball held. people dress in 18th century gowns and tux, with glamour and richness only the wealthy could afford. they were all dancing and laughing having a great time. above a giant chandelier shines and lights the ballroom. the tail is a form of a fish tail fixated to the body unable to move or swirve left/ right like a fish, the head is divided into two compartments. one would form the fish’s brain/ upper part of the head, which is also a glass tube, oval in shape placed horizontally. It has no entrance nor exit openings. and in it a sea creature sleeps. its forehead huge and edgy. its face like a human a man of labor and sole look. thick lips and he forehead holds lines that gives a permanent frown, the lower part of its body is of a merman. it sounds like a merman but its not. my memory can’t describe the image as clear as i dreamed. at the lower compartment is steel and copper gold just like the body, in the shape that embodies the mouth, eyes of the fish. there the captain crew runs the submarine. they were busy chucking coals in the burner, to produce heat which heats the above tube where the creature lies. as the glass tubes heats up, the sea monster that sleep with his belly facing down absorbs the heat and begin expanding, bloating, like an air pouch, and while this happens, the creature floats as his belly turns and floats slowly and consistently rising pulling along his sleeping body. once the belly hits the surface of the ceiling of the glass, the creature awakes. instantly his eyes open, and a burst of energy surges through his body as he pushes forward to swim. as he swims and pushes the surface of the glass tube forward with all his might, the whole tank moves forward with such force and speed. and as the tank moves the captain steers the direction of their unknown odyssey..... the tanks moves all the way until every ounce of energy left in the creature has been wiped out. thats is of its mere existents, and again he will sleep a deep sleep until, he is heated again.
little rushes
little little rushes.. it comes to you when you see reflections of water on the ceiling... it comes in the high you get when you first hit hot water while bathing in a cold morning... it comes when you are stroked by your mom on the head...when your lover runs his/ her hands along your body... when you dance because your just happy... a rush comes when your scratching an itch... when a cool breeze blows in a hot day.. when your singing along your favourite song... when your snuggling in your bed...when you stretched in the morning....when you yawn.. when your stomach is bloating and you let go a fart *poottt*....when you pee *shiiiii*, *ahhhh*... when you shit too, then you hear the satisfaction of *plop plop in your WC... heheh okla get back to the topic.. a rush when you sleep when your dead tired....when you taste chocolate..when you drink something freezing and you get brain freeze... when your having a crush... when your in a new place... when you have your first cig of the day... when your standing 1000 feet high above the ground you see so far below....when you eat something super duper sour like that sour sweet or an asam...when you splash into icy cold swimming pool when your wearing very little cloth...when you are loved...and when you love.... little little rushes...nyam nyam nyam :)
waking life
hello people... its the real me this time.. no alex no adah.. todays topic is about waking life...
do you have the feeling sometimes that you're not really awake?? you're sleeping at first then you wake up wondering whether are you still dreaming... you feel super-stoned. life moves in a slow motion. you feel like your viewing life from a second persons view.. a splash of water and you still feel like shit... you wake up go tru your everday routine.. your body moves but your minds dreaming.. hoping to really wake up... but then you realize you really ARE awake... shit! sometimes i feel like i feel better asleep... nightmare or not... theres at least a story there.. or an adventure.. not the same shit again and again... well anyways i felt that way day before yesterday.. actually i felt that way alot of days.. but day before yesterday was special because i had a specially FREAKY dream.. it was the night after or during the ghost festival... but i slept later in the morning...
i dreamt that i was in a rustic old labratory.. having a class and there was our lecturer lecturing us... he took 2 huge bags out.. the bag was transparent inside there were full of small 50 cent shapes of paper... or plastic or whatever.. one white the other faded white.. yellowish.. anyways our lecturer said itt was samples all of us took one of each.... we tasted it, it tasteds like paper.. he made us tell him what we thought of it one by one.. and so we went by a line... when it was my turn, i told him it was the same... then he pinch me said something to me i couldn't remember, a joke or a tease or some sort... then i went home after the class...
at home i was in my room... lying on my bed.. then my phone rang.. i picked up: hello?
anoynomous said: whos was that just now?
i replied: my lecturer? mr.A?
he replied: i have a message for you.....
and just then my radio turn on by its self.... a demonic voice spoke...i can't remember exactly what it said... it was saying that the end of the days was coming... there was going to be a blood bath... he asked us all to be prepared.... then i asked the person on the phone to repeat it... and i off the electric switch of the radio... but voice spoke throug my radio again... i was suppose to feel fear running down my spine, feeling cold sweat on my forehead, or shaking, but i didn't... i was stupid enough to ask this stranger or the devil to repeat its message making sure it was real... then i put down the phone...then by instinct i knew this guy was looking for my lecturer... asking for him... so i called his number... but the number he gave me wasn't his number..he was quiet about his personal information, someone important... it was his favourite restaurant esquire kitchen...(don't ask why esquire kitchen.. i have no idea why.. its just so random) a lady spoke.. i asked if he was there... i described him and told her if she sees him ask him to gimme a call its URGENT...
then i went down t my family hall... i was about to turn on the tv.. when there was this 60 FOOT TALL DEMON walking pass my house on the street.... he was brown in colour but i couldn't see its features... i wasn't shock or afraid or anything... i stayed calm... wondered why does this have to happen? so fast? so soon.. in my life time... i thought there was no heaven no hell how could this be so sudden so drastic? damn those christians were right! whats gonna happen to me?
then i woke up... feeling dazed... tired.. lightheaded i felt superstoness.. i just sat there on my bed then i took my book went to my family hall looking outside my window as if expecting to see the 60 foot tall demon to come by... i just sat and sat and sat there thinking why the fuck did i dream that??? where the fuck did i get that?? i felt like i was still dreaming.. couldn't tell the difference...
do you have the feeling sometimes that you're not really awake?? you're sleeping at first then you wake up wondering whether are you still dreaming... you feel super-stoned. life moves in a slow motion. you feel like your viewing life from a second persons view.. a splash of water and you still feel like shit... you wake up go tru your everday routine.. your body moves but your minds dreaming.. hoping to really wake up... but then you realize you really ARE awake... shit! sometimes i feel like i feel better asleep... nightmare or not... theres at least a story there.. or an adventure.. not the same shit again and again... well anyways i felt that way day before yesterday.. actually i felt that way alot of days.. but day before yesterday was special because i had a specially FREAKY dream.. it was the night after or during the ghost festival... but i slept later in the morning...
i dreamt that i was in a rustic old labratory.. having a class and there was our lecturer lecturing us... he took 2 huge bags out.. the bag was transparent inside there were full of small 50 cent shapes of paper... or plastic or whatever.. one white the other faded white.. yellowish.. anyways our lecturer said itt was samples all of us took one of each.... we tasted it, it tasteds like paper.. he made us tell him what we thought of it one by one.. and so we went by a line... when it was my turn, i told him it was the same... then he pinch me said something to me i couldn't remember, a joke or a tease or some sort... then i went home after the class...
at home i was in my room... lying on my bed.. then my phone rang.. i picked up: hello?
anoynomous said: whos was that just now?
i replied: my lecturer? mr.A?
he replied: i have a message for you.....
and just then my radio turn on by its self.... a demonic voice spoke...i can't remember exactly what it said... it was saying that the end of the days was coming... there was going to be a blood bath... he asked us all to be prepared.... then i asked the person on the phone to repeat it... and i off the electric switch of the radio... but voice spoke throug my radio again... i was suppose to feel fear running down my spine, feeling cold sweat on my forehead, or shaking, but i didn't... i was stupid enough to ask this stranger or the devil to repeat its message making sure it was real... then i put down the phone...then by instinct i knew this guy was looking for my lecturer... asking for him... so i called his number... but the number he gave me wasn't his number..he was quiet about his personal information, someone important... it was his favourite restaurant esquire kitchen...(don't ask why esquire kitchen.. i have no idea why.. its just so random) a lady spoke.. i asked if he was there... i described him and told her if she sees him ask him to gimme a call its URGENT...
then i went down t my family hall... i was about to turn on the tv.. when there was this 60 FOOT TALL DEMON walking pass my house on the street.... he was brown in colour but i couldn't see its features... i wasn't shock or afraid or anything... i stayed calm... wondered why does this have to happen? so fast? so soon.. in my life time... i thought there was no heaven no hell how could this be so sudden so drastic? damn those christians were right! whats gonna happen to me?
then i woke up... feeling dazed... tired.. lightheaded i felt superstoness.. i just sat there on my bed then i took my book went to my family hall looking outside my window as if expecting to see the 60 foot tall demon to come by... i just sat and sat and sat there thinking why the fuck did i dream that??? where the fuck did i get that?? i felt like i was still dreaming.. couldn't tell the difference...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
something..
another day of them both sitting under a tree on a swing on their childhood playground..
alex: well well... why is it that i always have a lazy time.. i have a lazy time talking... lazy time thinking.. i always seem to avoid things that take up too much energy
adah: well fuck me.. how should i know.. i am part of you, you know? then don’t be la
alex changes the topic to his fantasies...
alex: when i was young i wish i had magic... i wish i had everything in the world that i want appear before me.. i wish i had a spacecraft, well not really a space craft an aircraft whatever it is... that could fly me around the world take me places i’ve never seen before... take me high where no one could see me.. and its a special air craft.. it has stealth it would turn invisible.. and i could go peek at people.. see how do they live unnoticed... i wish i could go creepy places like a forest dark and creepy where legends of pontianak lives... but she won’t be able to find me cause i have stealth heheh... but of course i wouldn’t wanna go alone... i want a companion... my companion would be my childhood best friend... in this aircraft of mine.... i have a kitchen high tech gadgets like the ones you see in the jetsons! hehe you want food? you push a button and they go zuuuuuup!! from an unknown source and tada!! food is served!! hehe and theres a toilet too.. a bathub where you can see the whole view when you high up... hmmmm dreams dreams.... i thought my fantasy would become reality... i kept saying aircraft appear!!! like a magician.. but nothing appears of course.. me and my foolishness. then when people grow up they no longer believe in magic or fantasy... thats kinda sad..
adah: i actually still do kinda believe in magic....
alex: yeah?
adah: yeah.. i believe magic happens if you just notice.. its hidden in peoples hearts. but you can catch a glimpse sometimes.. in their eyes in their gestures..
alex: reallly???????
alex all excited
adah: don’t you see it sometimes? when you look into your lovers eyes that twinkles under the stars when he or she gazes at you at that moment or when your mom touches you head with such affection?? such a feeling has to be magic!
alex: aiyah thats not magic la thats just a feeling.... celaka la you making me all so excited i really thought got magic..bullshit la you.. what about people like david blane all? david copperfield thats someone who can do magic...
adah: thats just an illusion.. you should watch the illusionist, and also the prestige.. gives you a picture of how it magics are just tricks after all...but i'm curious about black magic though... a dangerous place to visit but its so mysterious and dark it seems to pull you.. until you get into trouble its hard to turn back...theres also white magic people claim to be from the good.. wonder about alchemy too? i'm gonna get the book that i want... it's call the secret of all ages.. talks about all the mystical shite... alchemy too.. Well anyways thats besides the point, think about it.. love is a feeling but such feelings has to be magic..
alex: yeah well tell me when you see real shite like if you could make all the women strip or something..
As he was saying this a women appear in front of them stripping....
alex: holy shite!!! adah!! you’re magical!!
adah: what the fuck are you looking at! slaps* boy i’m the only women you can look at! @#@#$%$%
alex: well well... why is it that i always have a lazy time.. i have a lazy time talking... lazy time thinking.. i always seem to avoid things that take up too much energy
adah: well fuck me.. how should i know.. i am part of you, you know? then don’t be la
alex changes the topic to his fantasies...
alex: when i was young i wish i had magic... i wish i had everything in the world that i want appear before me.. i wish i had a spacecraft, well not really a space craft an aircraft whatever it is... that could fly me around the world take me places i’ve never seen before... take me high where no one could see me.. and its a special air craft.. it has stealth it would turn invisible.. and i could go peek at people.. see how do they live unnoticed... i wish i could go creepy places like a forest dark and creepy where legends of pontianak lives... but she won’t be able to find me cause i have stealth heheh... but of course i wouldn’t wanna go alone... i want a companion... my companion would be my childhood best friend... in this aircraft of mine.... i have a kitchen high tech gadgets like the ones you see in the jetsons! hehe you want food? you push a button and they go zuuuuuup!! from an unknown source and tada!! food is served!! hehe and theres a toilet too.. a bathub where you can see the whole view when you high up... hmmmm dreams dreams.... i thought my fantasy would become reality... i kept saying aircraft appear!!! like a magician.. but nothing appears of course.. me and my foolishness. then when people grow up they no longer believe in magic or fantasy... thats kinda sad..
adah: i actually still do kinda believe in magic....
alex: yeah?
adah: yeah.. i believe magic happens if you just notice.. its hidden in peoples hearts. but you can catch a glimpse sometimes.. in their eyes in their gestures..
alex: reallly???????
alex all excited
adah: don’t you see it sometimes? when you look into your lovers eyes that twinkles under the stars when he or she gazes at you at that moment or when your mom touches you head with such affection?? such a feeling has to be magic!
alex: aiyah thats not magic la thats just a feeling.... celaka la you making me all so excited i really thought got magic..bullshit la you.. what about people like david blane all? david copperfield thats someone who can do magic...
adah: thats just an illusion.. you should watch the illusionist, and also the prestige.. gives you a picture of how it magics are just tricks after all...but i'm curious about black magic though... a dangerous place to visit but its so mysterious and dark it seems to pull you.. until you get into trouble its hard to turn back...theres also white magic people claim to be from the good.. wonder about alchemy too? i'm gonna get the book that i want... it's call the secret of all ages.. talks about all the mystical shite... alchemy too.. Well anyways thats besides the point, think about it.. love is a feeling but such feelings has to be magic..
alex: yeah well tell me when you see real shite like if you could make all the women strip or something..
As he was saying this a women appear in front of them stripping....
alex: holy shite!!! adah!! you’re magical!!
adah: what the fuck are you looking at! slaps* boy i’m the only women you can look at! @#@#$%$%
bloggers
we begin the blog as a story of two characters
they were sitting in starbucks having their usual ice vanila cafe latte grande.... a pack of cigs at their side.. smoking, chatting...
alex: whats the big deal of writing blogs? why do people persist in writing about their lives? exposing it to other people.. i find it stupid.. its just another way of advertising themselves.. oo people look at me what a great person i am... get to know me i like this that. i did this today i did that the other fine day! what defines me as a person.. yada yada a constant past script of their lives.
adah: well i don’t think of it that way.. i guess people write blogs because its a way of expressing themselves you know? in a way even in conversations people talk about their lives their stories.. we exchange experiences and learn about things.. blogging is one of the ways too.. why do you read story books or novels? you want to know the stories of others learning from them even if its fictional... it is the fundamental way of learning..exchanging ideas and so on...don’t you think?
alex: yea i guess so... you’re right... well if i were to write a blog thats fictional.. would it work?
adah: why not?
they were sitting in starbucks having their usual ice vanila cafe latte grande.... a pack of cigs at their side.. smoking, chatting...
alex: whats the big deal of writing blogs? why do people persist in writing about their lives? exposing it to other people.. i find it stupid.. its just another way of advertising themselves.. oo people look at me what a great person i am... get to know me i like this that. i did this today i did that the other fine day! what defines me as a person.. yada yada a constant past script of their lives.
adah: well i don’t think of it that way.. i guess people write blogs because its a way of expressing themselves you know? in a way even in conversations people talk about their lives their stories.. we exchange experiences and learn about things.. blogging is one of the ways too.. why do you read story books or novels? you want to know the stories of others learning from them even if its fictional... it is the fundamental way of learning..exchanging ideas and so on...don’t you think?
alex: yea i guess so... you’re right... well if i were to write a blog thats fictional.. would it work?
adah: why not?
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