Today i just had a bbq with my friends.. we had fun and all, but when they left i didnt had any warmth in me (the feeling that you had a nice time with ppl u care).. the warmth that people would not want them to go away.. instead i felt loneliness.. of course people would say you feel lonely because u long for their presence after u had a fun time.. but this loneliness was different.. when we were together, i felt like we were in different levels/zones/aura whatever you could call them... its as if they're panthers with stripes, and the other group would be with spots.... but i am neither spots nor stripes... i just felt like i couldnt find anyone in the same skin as me... i felt alone...uninvolve... i may seem fine but theres just this void between me and the rest of them... just waiting or looking for spotless ppl or stripeless ppl to fill me up.. i have found people who are the closest to that catergory... but its just that i m not close enough.. and i seem to be afraid or cautious about venturing outside.. meeting new ppl, and find them... i just wish i can find them one day... the people that i can have a connection with... its just that the way we think is so different, from my friends, to even the person closest to me rite now... i just feel like even this person close to me don't truly know who i am...i need to talk to someone about this but i just don't know who to turn to... so i guess i just let it all out here... the people who is the closest to my spotless and stripeless skin are always asking questions on why do i choose this person closest to me...to be my partner... being a stripe, together with a stripeless, we don go too well sometimes... its hard when u don have the same auras..
i used to hav a person very close to me too.. i always call him and let out my feelings... bcoz we think alike and have the connection.. but he dissappoints me sometimes, he's drifting further and further away into his own realm.... a realm which i call stripes or spots. so does my closeness to him.. thats why i feel so lost too.. the only person i m really close to has now has a distance in our friendship... thats why i m dissappointed... but thats life i guess.. i do realize what people mean when they talk bout loneliness being the worst of its kind when u feel lonely when ur in a crowd...
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2 comments:
*Hugs*
I believed you will get over this every soon :), because i believed you are strong enough to stand on shaky ground, even when you have no hands to hold on to.....
Happy or sad, loneliness and contentment comes and goes like a wind......
Just let you know that, people from different level could make each other feel better with just a invisible hugs of comfort and love.
So here i let you know that, love is all around invisible, you have to dig it out somewhere....
~love sher
sweetie...you are one of the very few, whom i found relatable to... even tho the way we met each other wasnt special but you were special to me
the goofy you, with glasses i adored! how we used to sing along, and the silliness we used to enjoy...lala kiki!
you still are special to me.
i know how you feel, the solitude. honestly, when i was told that i will be in the same class as you pb n ssl, i was happy and jealous at the very same time. the fact that one of them, might sweep you away. and both of you becoming the silly us back then.
but ive grown to accept the fact that some ppl might shake me off and that is normal. i wouldnt say everyone loves, most of us have a problem loving. i often see selfishness, but that is the exact reason why people stumble upon others and find wtv they are looking for. i was selfish, and i still am with quite a number of things. whenever someone enters my territory, i feel that ugliness in me heated up. then i catch myself and think, its just life being a bitch.
im sorry, ive drifted a long way as i typed.
what i want for you, is to have courage. i wouldnt say fearless. fear helps us grow, and when you do..ohhh the amount of satisfaction you feel is priceless.
you go out there. and go get them! talk to ppl, reach in deep and rip their hearts out like you did mine, you are a great person and you shouldnt be in doubt.
you are the only person in your way, and i always tell myself, the first step is the hardest.
i believe you are capable of doing so much. dont be afraid to step out into the unknown, it isnt so bad. and never ever be afraid to lose, you might gain as much or even more.
youre not alone, i felt the same way, and i am sure! so sure that there are many, many who feel it too. there is only to a certain point where feelings can be shared, some places, even though hard to stomach, must be traveled alone. but this is not one of them..
you are not alone.
*squeezeeee till ur eyes pop out*, i know how much u love hugs.
be strong!
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